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26 December 2007 @ 09:34 am
Not allowed to hug?  
So I had this post all formulated in my mind and ready to post:

So, what is it with people not being "allowed" by their SO to hug anyone lately?

But before I could get around to posting it, I woke up. It's the first time I remember being in a dream and wanting to post to LJ, heh. I tried to hug three different friends in the dream and was told either they weren't allowed by their SO to hug anyone, or that they weren't allowed to hug me specifically. I'm very into hugging and found this very frustrating and decided to post. I was quite glad to wake up!

I have before actually heard someone in the waking world make reference to whether they're "allowed" to do something by an SO or spouse, and I've thought it was a strange concept, like moving on to a partner as second parent or something. Talking things over, coming to agreements together, seems much better and more equal to me.

Hein: WTF!?fub on December 26th, 2007 05:58 pm (UTC)
Not being allowed to hug? Preposterous!

I'm glad that klik and me think alike about most things -- makes our lives much, much easier. The rest we talk through, and it doesn't take us much time to come to a reasonable compromise.

Also, sometimes I hear men refer to their wife as "the witch" or something like that. Are they of such weak character that they allow their wife to dominate them as much as they tell me? Don't they love their wife/girlfriend?
Or maybe they are joking -- but I'm not laughing. Talking bad about someone you love and respect is not funny to me.
he just wants your yakisobamikage on December 26th, 2007 06:27 pm (UTC)

I would kill any significant other that told me I was not allowed to hug whomever I damn well pleased lol. But yeah, I've got a few girlfriends who aren't allowed to even hug other women. I want to smack their' SO's and tell them to get the fuck over themselves. Hugging someone =/= gf/bf is cheating on you.

*kicks people around :3*
Debbiecheesybunny on December 26th, 2007 06:30 pm (UTC)
I know that some people might say no cuddling, but no hugging? That's nuts.

I think it has to do with trust, as well as how you learned to relate to touch. If almost any touch is limited to couples (their parents didn't hug them enough as a kid) then they may not have ever known hugging as something that friends do.

I am wary of certain people cuddling because some see it as an invitation for more. If there is enough trust and honesty in a relationship it's possible for pretty much anything to go on as long as people are ok, of course.
Kat: Programkat_chan on December 26th, 2007 07:37 pm (UTC)
Because some people see their SO as their "turf". It's a matter of insecurity, jealousy and territoriality. It's twice as bad if the SO is someone who had been your SO at one time, because "you just don't do that sort of thing with your ex!" *rolls eyes*
Gnowun Unognowun on December 26th, 2007 07:49 pm (UTC)
I have very real problems with people who treat their partners as property instead of as equals.
Nikithespatula on December 26th, 2007 08:22 pm (UTC)
I've dated someone (very long ago) who considered me hugging other people a mild type of cheating. It drove me crazy and needless to say that relationship didn't last long. He started a whole high school rumor thing about how much of a slut i was because I'd hug anyone. I've known people before that weren't allowed to call other people of the opposite gender and whatnot. Crazy people.
just another strangerladyakumu on December 26th, 2007 09:00 pm (UTC)
That's just silly. But I kinda understand. My roommate and her boyfriend are kinda like that. She's like the complete polar of me.

Basically, I can do a lot of things and it doesn't matter because my boyfriend trusts me. Like I can obviously hug anyone. I can sit on other guy's laps. I can kiss other guys on the cheek. I even slept in my guy friend's bed with him the once.

Of course some things make him a bit jealous. But jealousy means that he cares... right?
thomasj on December 26th, 2007 09:32 pm (UTC)
Physical boundaries have to be worked out between a couple, and what makes sense for them may not make sense for others.

but, I haven't actually ever heard of hugging being one of those boundary issues. I think it is because hugging is our society (at least the part I am in) considers it a form of greeting or good-bye.

We need more moe bishounen.chimera_zero on December 27th, 2007 02:37 am (UTC)
*hugs with tentacles of love* <3 Ashi
ashi: charybdisashi on December 27th, 2007 04:20 am (UTC)
awww. *hugs*
"D" is for Dori: Cowboy cutiedzayde on December 27th, 2007 05:47 am (UTC)
Oh, well Joe doesn't let me hug anyone else. IN fact when I speak to them or write in their journals he hunts them down for massive noogies. Yup, he ties knots in their hair, and uhm... he puts peanut butter on their faces!

Yeah! He does all that!

No, seriousy, its freaky when people are that insecure. I would be sooooo hugging everyone if my bf told me I coudlnt. Just to watch his eyeballs pop out of his head in anger.

Then I might play marbles, but thats beside the point here...

mizuno_youkomizuno_youko on December 27th, 2007 01:02 pm (UTC)
Chaz Boston Badenhazelchaz on December 29th, 2007 08:58 am (UTC)
That kind of control? Flee. Early sign of abusive tendency.
drewkittydrewkitty on January 1st, 2008 12:19 am (UTC)
Re: Control